Fulfillment

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I have been back from the Baltic for over a week now. The first night I came back I slept like a baby for 16 hours straight from 12am to 4pm the next day. I was so shocked when I saw the clock and didn’t even know it was possible to sleep that long without my bladder waking me up in protest. I suppose that was how tired I was from the long flights.

I was also hoping to do some blogging whilst we were on the cruise ship during a sea day but unfortunately, the wi-fi onboard Celebrity Cruise ships is insanely expensive. I decided my funds would be more appropriately spent in London, but more on that later.

Most of you who know me probably already know that I’ve been pretty sick with these nasty hives for the last 6 months and it is sad to say that I still have not completely recovered. I have been rather upset about my situation, and not only do I feel a little depressed over my health but I also feel very uninspired and unfulfilled with life in general. Every day at work felt like a lifetime and I struggled to get through it. Believe it or not, this has never happened in the past.

Thankfully, this trip came at the right time. I am so grateful to my PIL (Parents-In-Law) for taking J and I on this trip that they had initially planned for themselves. I really really needed to get away and was hopeful of coming back to Melbourne with a new perspective on everything.

During this trip I had a D&M with J’s dad, now my FIL (Father-In-Law), about my feelings of un-fulfillment with life. He told me he went through pretty much the same phase as what I am going through right now during his 30s. He said “your 30s is a very important time of your life. It is the time you get married, you have kids, you get your first health scare, and the time to drive your career in the direction you want it to go”. He asked me about the source of my un-fulfillment. So it got me thinking. I am generally happy with my family, my marriage and also my relationships with people so perhaps it IS my career that I am dissatisfied about.

My FIL continued. He asked me “do you want to be the CEO of ANZ Bank? Or make partner at a top tier law or accounting firm?” Well, I thought about it for a while. I can’t lie. I definitely like the idea of being a hotshot CEO or lawyer somewhere – in fact I probably obsess over it. But deep down I know the answer is actually no and that I probably wouldn’t be happy being one. So then he asked “So what is it that you want?!” Mind you, I currently have a job that pays relatively well and I really should not be feeling this way since I don’t actually aspire to be Mike Smith. He was right. What IS it that I want?! Am I so comfortable that I’ve become uncomfortable – uncomfortably complacent? Am I so fortunate that I’ve become unfortunate? Does that even make sense?? 

Well, I want a lot of things in life just like most Gen Ys do. But as I grow older I can’t help but feel like I have a “use-by” date. I have this preconceived notion in my head that female careers have a short finite life defined by the arrival of the first child. But then I think that if there are millions of women out there with hot shot careers also raising kids, why can’t I do it? I really have to stop thinking I have a use-by date. Yep, I truly am confused!

My FIL’s final words of wisdom were “there are many things that you can do to seek fulfillment in life whether it be sports or cooking or music or dancing or whatever it is. Find something you enjoy doing and those are the things that will count towards your happiness at the end of the day, and not being someone you THINK you want to be. And if you are hungry for something else just go and do it – don’t let fear stop you, as you will not starve even if it doesn’t work out. ”

I come back from the trip feeling rejuvenated and invigorated with a stronger sense of what I want. I am going to take up dancing again and I’ve also started a new venture. Fingers crossed it works out!

 Elle

 

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